finally the winter is fading away
and the sun is coming back
good bye, gray-scale :) i have pictures to remind me of your bitter coldness
but you wouldn't be able to reach me because i think i have found the warmth--
in growing friends, in little failures, in more the effort i put in and less the success...in every bit of the new home i live in today...and most importantly in all the memories i have from yesterday :)
i dont really care about the infatuation ny more
maybe it was just a phase,
like a patch,
like a season,
like winter...

Infatuation they told me…yes, it was justtt crazy infatuation…

listening to: obsession by Soil

JAB, CROSS, AXE-KICK!

…so this Thursday was umm somehow amazingly not-so-horrible...partly and solely because we’ve actually started kicking and punching each other in kick boxing…I mean yes, LITERALLY…but nah-uh; now when u think of a bunch of girls kicking and boxing don’t start imagining sloppy slapping with hair all over faces and girls hopping and screaming around on their tiptoes…yes u gotta b on your tiptoes but u see: the balance is what you need the most—you’ve got to be in your stance! and nonnnee of that extra aerobic-dancing-around is needed! Hehe aright so that was my failed attempt trying to sound like our umm coach…
oh well..so I guess yeah, basically all of a sudden from all those low whiny days and the ranting about how boarding life sucks and shit like that should come to an end since this is where I'll LIVE for at least three more years…also cuz I’ve come to realize a few things…it’s these little things you teach while learning, the little things you fail to accomplish (like the omg-i-cant-do-squat's) and the things u accomplish while failing (like the oh-i-never-knew-i-could-do-pull-up's's) that somehow just add up and make you see how life can not always be as crappy as we living humanbeings have blamed it to be…ahhh i guess most good ppl have bad reputations and are under-rated:P

Welcome back to whiny-land

I kissed ammi g’bye twice
And hugged daddy as tight I could possibly do
Ah, why does this feel like the end?

I blinked my eyes to capture the moment for a bit
but all I found was myself among a thousand unknown faces;
Covering and crowding both my parents

Their crude coarse voices kept asking me questions
Asked me where I had come from
Asked me where I was going

But I was as silent as a rock
Like a stone sitting in the middle of all this sand
--looking for my way up to the ground

but the tiny piercing grains of sand
wanting to go through me
kept gulping me in

And now as I walked down the escalator; this hill-top
the grains were growing
For for a flight any more I wasn't waiting

Nothing was about to take off from this land…this world…
I had claimed all my luggage
And it was time…it was time, I had reached…

So they had brought me somewhere…
Somewhere in the middle of similar unknown faces
To a place they called a "destination"
Yes, I guess now I know why this feels like the end.

I'm not her

(Image: Lost Identity by Tudor Chira)



Had I lost who I was?
For where I lived now had changed from where I lived before
Had I really lost myself somewhere?
Among the tall grey walls and the old gargoyles
Was there ever a part of me that lived?
Or had I left myself somewhere in the sand away from the grass
And away from the top of this hill, somewhere beneath a sand dune
Perhaps I never came here that far
The girl who made it, wasn’t me—not me at all
She had locked herself in her room back home
And I—I was just someone who couldn’t find the key to the door
But the door? The truth is there wasn’t any to that room…

November 5, ‘06
12:20am

...just a day left now...

'Kay so everything is packed—except oh yeah! my lappie, the umm slippers and umm this candy I just got and umm alright so I admit that was an exaggeration :$ anyway check-lists are made, remade and checked out, books and DVD’s returned to the library, pictures saved, hair cut done, shopping done and over and yes i mean like the DONE-done (PLEASE!), and ummm survived all those parties, ate all the paki-ammi-made-food my stomach bag could hold without leaking :P (ah!! I LOVE that grey’s anatomy-effect:P lol and I forget if it’s spelled as “GRAY’S” :S--:O:|yess school-breaks do kill your writing, reading, and all that stuff-doing-skills :S:-”) erm so yeah coming to the point: I’m leaving tomorrow! back to those gray walls and gargoyles. And what’s worse?...had a fight with ammad bhaii :$:$ WOW I love my life :) *hugs herself (and yes, i've learned how to do that now:P)*

12:08am Jan 1, 2006

istri: “this is SOO lame”
me: “what? Him singing like an arse or that guy drumming like a butt”
*the dude starts singing ali k’s saathiya*
sarwat: *starts laughing like crazy*
hafsi: *yawns*
me: “man, this is definitely the worst new year’s eve ever!”
some aunti: “arey beta clap tou ker lou…clap kero, shabash shabash”