They and I

See the light now—I
Feel the worth now—I
Listening to the psalm of life
Clear am now—I

Glee in eyes of theirs
Pride in smiles of theirs
Happiness in the all of theirs
Now glows in the hearts of theirs

Have lived my life for others—I
And now that happy for me are they
Have found worth in myself—I
For found have I that love me they.

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I wrote this poem on Feb. 23, right after the NJHS Induction. Ahhhh how much I wish that day could come back. On the podium as I spoke—those words that flew their own ways out…those tiny smiles all my friends and teachers were wearing and the way my parents sat watching, listening. It’s impossible to forget how, when everything was complete; we had left the school and reached back to our house—how my dad had embraced me and that sparkle in my mom’s eyes. Ahh that day I shall never forget…but somehow I had always feared all the little success I had achieved…I had feared the peak and I knew those good hours wouldn’t have ended for long…and I was right (at least for once—I was)…those smiles my so-called friends wore that day were not meant to comfort…they were meant to deceive me...and deceived I was...

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Deceived

I was a hemophiliac
And my wounds shall continue to sting

Bled I always had
With the blemishes that didn’t sing

—blemishes that yelled out mournful cries
And there had always lied deep within

A scared voice of a Fortunato
Calling out to his Montressor who had left him in

But this Fortunato had no greed
He had done no harm, yet he was deceived

Revenge it was;
Or was it envy?
Montressor had never cared

It was only that Fortunato
Whose corpse was marred in search of the amontillado

—a search that he thought would help Montressor
—a search in the cask where he was to be buried under

Buried alive—suffocating
Coughing and bleeding
Was there an end to this retribution?
Remains an answer just as deceiving…